Single woman in New York City?! How could that be? Yeah that's what I said! Well guess what, with all the hustle, buzzle and competition it's hard to snag a guy specially when you are as picky as me. With a full time job and two kids I don't even have time or a baby sitter to go out, yes I'm a single mommy. So what the hell I gave plenty of fish a shot for the second time but this time around I actually devoted some time to it when the kids were sleeping of course. I just put like 3 pictures of my face, I'm no beauty queen but I'm not horrid either. I thought that if I wanted to find me something serious I'd have to save the booty pics for another occasion. But no ladies, no matter how innocent your pictures are these men still manage get a hard-on and ask for cuddling, dirty pictures in your lingerie and sex. I got bombarded with messages left and right and some guys even write to you more than 10 times when you don't reply to their messages. It was just overwhelming and exhausting to read so much of the same crap and no decent man in sight except for the not so attractive ones, they had no choice but to be nice. I do gotta say that PoF users are way better looking than the ones on OkCupid.com. There were some pretty good looking men who were actually sweet and respectful that's when I would allow them to move to the next phase; kik messenger.

To avoid giving my number and getting annoying calls through the day I would message them from a not so personal messaging platform to get to know them a bit better. This is where they would show their true colors and send me their half naked pictures. I mean what is wrong with men nowadays?! Do they really think they can attract a woman this way? I don't know about you but that is a complete turn off for me. But anyways after the pictures, came the "do you want to cuddle with me?" comments, and that's where It all ended with me! Block and delete! I mean I don't know you and you don't know me so what in the hell gives you the right to ask me such question! It was just aggravating, it seemed like they were all programmed the same way. They'll send a cute comment, compliment my beauty, ask for my number or messenger, send dirty pictures and ask for a cuddling session that of course would lead to sex. And of course some girls are dumb enough to fall for that and claim that it was all out of love. Out the 2,000 messages I got (actual number) I could say that I got to talk to like maybe 5 guys that I found interesting and we're actually respectful so don't lose hope in PoF but I'm just over it.

To those who don't believe in magic make sure that you start believing. I used to be one of those who didn't believe and because I didn't believe I had nothing, I didn't even have faith. Until one day at a moment of desperation I had no choice but to believe or stay miserable with my lonely self. Of course I was already well informed on what I could do I just needed to implement it. I made a love charm; I knew that I needed to put my trust and believe that it would work otherwise why do it. I could either doubt that it would bring love into my life or I could be optimistic and trust that it was going to work. I believed in it blindly that it would bring lots of love into my life from men that I actually liked.

So what did I make? well not that I don't like candles but I certainly didn't want to seem like i was practicing witchcraft so i went for something like me...low key. I looked through this book you can find in Barnes & Noble for a few bucks of white magic and spells. I chose one of the easy ones where you don't have to wait for a waxing moon or a particular day of the week to get it done. Now take notes! I made a necklace with a quartz!

Ta-da!

It's very simple... you can purchase a thin gold chain which symbolizes the sun and attracts male energy and a pink round quartz to symbolize and attract love. Make sure the quartz has a hole so the chain can go through it. Once its done put it on...the closer to your heart the better. To strenghten the spell you can hold the chain on your right hand and say an affirmation, a love prayer or even chant something that has to do what you are looking for. But remember it would not work unless you believe. It's very important to remain positive besides you got nothing to lose.
I got to say after I made this love charm I began to meet men that were actually my type and that were interested in me. I didnt meet the man of my dreams but I sure did go on dates with men I found interesting and I enjoyed myself more than ever. When you feel that you are getting closer to where you want to get, you'll know you are on the right path.

Of course this will not work right away, it takes a bit of time, optimism and patience. Every night and morning I would hold my charm and say my affirmations on love and let the universe do the rest. Just Believe!

Growing up I wasn't exactly the most beautiful girl, I could say that maybe I was cute or not even; I was just a girl. I didn't care about my appearance nor what others thought of me. I was never in style, hair always in a bun paired with the oily skin on my face and huge dark circles to top it all up so not exactly "beautiful". My freshman year in High school was when it all started; all my insecurities came out. Seeing how those guys looked at those pretty girls with long hair and curvy figures while i was just a ghost in the midst just really took a toll on my self esteem. Being with a guy who constantly humiliated me and bashed my appearance did nothing to help. I would spend days crying over not having big boobs and obsessing over saving money for a boob-job. I'll tweak my eyebrows and shave my widows peak to look more feminine but nothing would cure my insecurities. I would fix my hair only to have it messed up the next day, I didn't take care of myself yet I expected to be considered a knock out; I was completely delusional. Every two weeks ill try to impress boys by fixing a little something about me but it never helped. No matter how much eyeliner, padded bras and super tight pants I wore, I never felt good enough. It was never enough!

After years of failed relationships due to my insecurities I learned the hard way that I needed to love myself. I was always sad, I felt like a loser, like a shadow and I felt worthless. I was at a very dark place within myself, I needed to drag myself and crawl out this hole I was in. But how could I when everything I attempted was nothing but failure and disappointment. Over time I learned that in order to be happy I had to accept myself with flaws and use them to my advantage.

So how did I begin to feel love for myself you might wonder; well it didn't come easy. I read a lot of self-help books but even with all the reading I still wasn't getting it. I needed more so I failed more, I was disappointed more and I was humiliated more. Through all that turmoil I was learning more, growing more and learning from people. I took a little piece from everyone I knew and started rebuilding myself as a person. I read and understood more about life, spirituality and self love. I finally started to implement those lessons into my daily life and improved myself and although I'm still on this journey I can tell you one thing, I'm so much more confident and happy with myself now than I ever was before. Just remember that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.