Growing up I wasn't exactly the most beautiful girl, I could say that maybe I was cute or not even; I was just a girl. I didn't care about my appearance nor what others thought of me. I was never in style, hair always in a bun paired with the oily skin on my face and huge dark circles to top it all up so not exactly "beautiful". My freshman year in High school was when it all started; all my insecurities came out. Seeing how those guys looked at those pretty girls with long hair and curvy figures while i was just a ghost in the midst just really took a toll on my self esteem. Being with a guy who constantly humiliated me and bashed my appearance did nothing to help. I would spend days crying over not having big boobs and obsessing over saving money for a boob-job. I'll tweak my eyebrows and shave my widows peak to look more feminine but nothing would cure my insecurities. I would fix my hair only to have it messed up the next day, I didn't take care of myself yet I expected to be considered a knock out; I was completely delusional. Every two weeks ill try to impress boys by fixing a little something about me but it never helped. No matter how much eyeliner, padded bras and super tight pants I wore, I never felt good enough. It was never enough!
After years of failed relationships due to my insecurities I learned the hard way that I needed to love myself. I was always sad, I felt like a loser, like a shadow and I felt worthless. I was at a very dark place within myself, I needed to drag myself and crawl out this hole I was in. But how could I when everything I attempted was nothing but failure and disappointment. Over time I learned that in order to be happy I had to accept myself with flaws and use them to my advantage.
So how did I begin to feel love for myself you might wonder; well it didn't come easy. I read a lot of self-help books but even with all the reading I still wasn't getting it. I needed more so I failed more, I was disappointed more and I was humiliated more. Through all that turmoil I was learning more, growing more and learning from people. I took a little piece from everyone I knew and started rebuilding myself as a person. I read and understood more about life, spirituality and self love. I finally started to implement those lessons into my daily life and improved myself and although I'm still on this journey I can tell you one thing, I'm so much more confident and happy with myself now than I ever was before. Just remember that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.
After years of failed relationships due to my insecurities I learned the hard way that I needed to love myself. I was always sad, I felt like a loser, like a shadow and I felt worthless. I was at a very dark place within myself, I needed to drag myself and crawl out this hole I was in. But how could I when everything I attempted was nothing but failure and disappointment. Over time I learned that in order to be happy I had to accept myself with flaws and use them to my advantage.
So how did I begin to feel love for myself you might wonder; well it didn't come easy. I read a lot of self-help books but even with all the reading I still wasn't getting it. I needed more so I failed more, I was disappointed more and I was humiliated more. Through all that turmoil I was learning more, growing more and learning from people. I took a little piece from everyone I knew and started rebuilding myself as a person. I read and understood more about life, spirituality and self love. I finally started to implement those lessons into my daily life and improved myself and although I'm still on this journey I can tell you one thing, I'm so much more confident and happy with myself now than I ever was before. Just remember that in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.